


like a bullet from a gun it burns

by atticboygenius



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: First Kiss, Force Healing, Force Sensitivity, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Get Together, Jedi Training (Star Wars), M/M, Meditation, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21981727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atticboygenius/pseuds/atticboygenius
Summary: "Great empaths have a better sense for force healing," Rey says, "so I've heard. To do it unknowing is astounding, and I'm glad you told me. To do it with complete knowledge of your force sensitivity? Force, Finn you could be a great Jedi healer one day. And a great Jedi in general."ORPoe finds himself bitter about Finn's secret with Rey and alone when they leave together for an extended period of time, but finds his jealousy misplaced when Finn returns to answer his questions.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 9
Kudos: 389





	like a bullet from a gun it burns

Roughed up sheets creased at every angle, BB-8 tucked away at their charging station, and a mug of decaf that he forgot to wash away is a fact of life for Poe. The cold and cramped sense of it never suited Poe, but when he's offered new living quarters upon becoming general he doesn't take it. He feels wrong living above the other members of the Resistance - and besides, there are far too many memories that exist to just abandon the room now.   
  
(Coming back to his living quarters after a mission gone awry, blood seeping down his body as water trickles on as he escapes the medical unit and enters the fresher. It happens again, and again, and again, but one time Finn is there. He knocks and the door slides open and Finn embraces him, notices the blood on the fresher after Poe cleans himself off. Finn studies his bruises and in turn lets Poe study his scar, they both hiss when touched but being closer makes it all worth it. Finn spends the night on a spare mattress after learning some binary and then leaves for physiotherapy as morning arises. What he doesn't tell Poe is that a bruise disappears under his touch)  
  
Otherwise, Poe welcomes the emptiness of his room. What he doesn't welcome, is the lack of Finn on base.  
  
He tries not to take it to heart, tells Finn he needs him as general by his side if he's to continue, but ultimately he lets him go and, ultimately, he misses him. He misses the closeness of Finn, shoulder to shoulder - reassuring hands on shoulders, knees, backs, entwined in each other at any sign of nervousness ("hands?" Finn says, "hands" Poe replies) - the affection that Finn celebrates and spreads. He misses Finn.  
  
Finn. Finn. Finn.  
  
He masks his upset with a strong walk and behind his injury. He keeps his arm, wrapped with a sling, close to his chest and his jealousy closer. He knows Finn is with Rey right now, and he thinks of what he had been meaning to tell Rey at every possibility. Unrequited love, he's experienced it before, and just like pressing into the bullet wound, it stings, but he pushes on with his duties as general and the organisation of funerals for each member of the resistance that had given their life to the cause, new and old, until it doesn't hurt anymore.  
  
Until Finn returns with Rey in tow.  
  
"Poe," Finn says, rushing over to him like it's been centuries since they last saw it each other. Realistically, it's only been three days, and his arm still aches when Finn presses against it during an embrace. Poe melts into regardless, unmoving until Finn pushes away. (I made it weird, Poe thinks). "Listen, I gotta talk to Rey, meet me somewhere we can be alone." He presses a hand to his bicep and Poe hisses in pain.  
  
"Man, would you stop touching that?"  
  
"Sorry! It'll all be okay in a second, I promise."  
  
Poe's face contorts into one of confusion. (1. What does he mean "it'll all be okay in a second"? 2. Why does he need to talk to Rey when he's been alone with her for three days? 3. Meet Finn at the Falcon; he vocalises the last point.) He makes his way through crowds of people - old members of the Resistance sitting back with a mug of decaf, new members relaxing with squadrons and making new friends, and new recruits being assigned to positions - until he reaches the Falcon, taking a moment to breathe it all in. Pressing a hand to the old girl and cursing at the destruction he caused, he lets out a defeated sigh. He needs to be more careful, more in tune with his emotions and duties, more calming about his manner and actions and -  
  
Finn will be here soon, he can show him. He was good at meditating, a natural ability Poe thinks because there would have been no time for it in his stormtrooper faction and fighting for the Resistance. Poe, however, was always too jittery, he needed to move (and he hates to admit it but after the realisation that he was in tune with the force during the battle of Takodana he wants to steer clear of all possibilities of it happening again, and he finds meditating an exercise that does quite the opposite. Poe doesn't want anything to do with the force, not after his interrogation on the Finalizer). Poe takes a seat on the leather fitted seats and waits. He needs to move. Taps his foot, whistles a tune, turns on the holochess to understand the gears of the game for when they next play Chewbacca. Until he hears footsteps, and he leans back as he recognises who they belong to immediately (the amount of times Poe and Finn have crashed into each other for an embrace; or have walked the empty hallways of the Resistance base together back to Poe's living quarters after a long mission or a night in the hangar with Black Squadron; or have run down the reflective floors of a First Order ship as they plant bombs is quite telling of how memorable those particular footsteps are).  
  
"Want a game?" Poe asks, pointing to the system before him, Finn declines but laughs at the offer before pointing to the grated floor for Poe to sit. He does exactly that, cross-legged, awaiting conversation. He feels like a kid on Yavin IV awaiting a story for his uncle to tell him while he prepared for his parents return from the war. Finn moves on quickly, joining him in his cross-legged endeavors.  
  
"Buddy, there's seats over there," Poe offers a nod to the passenger seats and the leather fitted ones he just abandoned and Finn waves it off. "I need space for this," he vaguely explains. He closes his eyes and Poe waits awkwardly.  
  
"Okay so, we needed to be alone, no holochess and you're meditating. Nothing's adding up, Finn, buddy, will you just tell me what's going?"  
  
"I'm showing you, give me your arm."  
  
He complies hesitantly and Finn closes his eyes, breathes until his heart isn't jumping out of his chest, and raises his hand. Poe feels his skin knit back together, the gaping hole in his bicep forgotten. He feels the cracked ribs mend and the black and blue bruises fade from existence and he feels-  
  
He feels at home, at peace. Calm in his manner and actions, more in tune with his duties and emotions. At peace with himself, and his arm no longer aches. He lifts it without the sound of joints aching as if they needed to be oiled up, without the burning of a bullet wound and without the pressure of a bandage against his injuries. Poe cradles his arm after removing the bandage, in shock but completely okay.  
  
"Did you just?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Are you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Is this?"  
  
"Yes, Poe."  
  
Finn presses closer, touches Poe's arm and looks up when he feels a thousand sparks at once. A smile, a toothy grin.  
  
"This is what I've been doing for the past three days. Meditating and training with Rey, it's what I wanted to tell her on our mission. That she's not alone."  
  
("A great Jedi healer once said 'Bacta can heal the body, but the force can heal the soul'", Rey says, meditating in the air with her staff upon her knees and one of the sacred Jedi texts beside her. Finn's below, not at that stage yet, but he trusts Rey with her endless training from Luke that she can teach him the ways of the force too. Pass the knowledge of her abilities onto her friend.  
  
She drops down the ground, abandons her staff and the text, and faces Finn. "Hurt me," she says, "leave a mark."  
  
"Are you insane? I'm not going to hurt my friend!"  
  
"Finn," she says, with a smile, "do you trust me?"  
  
"Always," he replies.  
  
"Then do it."  
  
Finn rolls his eyes and closes the gap. "If people ask," he starts before Rey interrupts him. "They won't," she assures, taking his hand comfortingly before lifting it as she gets him into a fighting stance. "Just one punch, one bruise. That's all."  
  
He complies, and then they sit and await the dawning of the bruise on her body. It appears, black and blue and a little bit purple and then she meditates. Finn copies, becomes one with the force and raises his hand at her command. It disappears under it, a tingling sensation on her skin. He comments how this was exactly the situation with Poe, and she takes his hand again.  
  
"Great empaths have a better sense for force healing," Rey says, "so I've heard. To do it unknowing is astounding, and I'm glad you told me. To do it with complete knowledge of your force sensitivity? Force, Finn you could be a great Jedi healer one day. And a great Jedi in general. It took me ages to master this when training with Master Luke."  
  
Finn is lost for words, so he offers a smile instead.  
  
"We'll keep at it for a couple more days, master greater injuries and begin the steps of cleansing the soul," Rey offers, hugging her friend. "You did great."  
  
"Does this make you my Jedi Master now?"  
  
"Guess it does, my Padawan.")  
  
"Wait, this is what you wanted to tell Rey?" Poe asks, dumbfounded, completely mislead and jealousy misplaced. When Finn nods, he curses at himself. He feels like a kriffing idiot, placing his frustrations elsewhere. "Why couldn't you tell me?"  
  
Finn pauses and Poe feels like he's screwed up, again, and goes to apologise. "No," Finn says, stopping him, "no I wanted to. But you've had......rough experiences with the force." Poe laughs bitterly, "You can say that again." Finn is hesitant in smiling back and just continues. "And with those experiences I was scared to upset you, scared that you'd see me in a different way. So I wanted to introduce all this by doing something good, I was afraid you wouldn't trust me."  
  
"Finn, buddy, our entire relationship," Poe begins, taking Finn's shaking hands, "is built on trust. Of course I trust you, always. I may...not want to be involved in the force but that isn't going to stop me from celebrating my best friend's skills. You just keep getting better and better."  
  
Finn looks up at him. "I guess I do, don't I?" He smiles.  
  
"You sure do."  
  
"But," Finn begins again, edging the conservation on out of anxiety, "I assumed it's why you were angry with Rey a lot, I thought her abilities scared you."  
  
"Well," Poe gulps, "they do. But I trust her as I trust you. My bitterness was for other reasons, you got it all wrong buddy, so I guess I have to come clean huh?"  
  
"What," Finn asks, "you got more dirty secrets about your past?"  
  
"Do _not_ bring up spice running. I'll force kick you," he jokes before answering a thousand of Finn's questions with one simple word, "jealousy."  
  
Finn asks if he cares to explain, piecing it together but not fully understanding it, and Poe just offers him a thousand more questions with the glint of his eyes as they face each other on the grated floor. Poe can't hear nothing else, no orders being thrown about, no calls for the generals to reassert decisions for trading, or otherwise. Just Finn. His heartbeat, his smell, him. Poe answers one question amongst it all.  
  
"Can I kiss you?" He asks and Finn understands that it's not a joke remark as it was with Zorii, it's real and he nods.  
  
Poe leans in, locking hands and intertwining fingers with Finn's, and pressing against his creased clothing until he's comfortable against Finn's body. He cradles his face, hands exploring him until he recognises Finn in his entirety with just touch. He melts into him and their lips touch and it's like nothing either has felt before. "There's your answer, general," he offers before delving deeper into the task.  
  
The reason was always Finn, he thinks. It has always been Finn for him.  
  
Finn. Finn. Finn. 

**Author's Note:**

> feed me with comments i need attention xoxo  
> (kudos also appreciated ty ilyall)
> 
> tumblr: jakesimmonds  
> twitter: royallingstones


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